Saying No Isn't Selfish

Do you often find yourself agreeing to do things when you really want to say NO? I get it—my first instinct is usually to say yes, too. But I’ve learned it’s possible (and healthier) to say no when you need to as long as you do so with love. I know that this may sound silly but it’s true. If you come from a place of love (for yourself and without ego or having to be “right”), you can comfortably and powerfully say no—nicely.

 We often feel that if we say no we would disappoint someone, make them angry, hurt their feelings, or seem unkind or rude. But if you live your life based on other people’s approval, you’ll never be happy. The truth is, saying no means you value yourself.

I recently had a conversation with a real “yes” woman. She told me she was always the one to host all of her family’s events and that she was feeling a little tired. She wanted one of her siblings to take over but worried about starting a family feud. Yet she decided to put herself first and told her sister—with love—that she just wasn’t up to it. Her sister heard her, and they agreed to work out another solution.

 Technique of the week: Stop yourself when you feel like you HAVE to say yes to something that you know doesn't feel right. Just stop! Take as much time as you need to either get back to the person or in that moment just kindly and lovingly say, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you right now.” Remember, you’re turning down a request not a person.  Feel the power of self love!